Inspired by Ghost of a Phantom by Paula Kyle-Stephens
When children come into the foster care system, the disruption their lives experience is monumental. They are torn from the known, removed from home, school, and community in order to protect them. One of the saddest truths for many foster children, however, is removal from their siblings. For children who have already lost so much, losing the connection to their brothers or sisters may intensify their trauma.
In Ghost of a Phantom by Paula Kyle-Stephens, this is presented with raw honesty. Only twelve years old when separated from her sisters, Paula’s tale captures the terror, bewilderment, and desolation of being pushed away in a stranger’s vehicle with only a brown paper bag of possessions. While she struggled with the agony of abuse and abandonment, the worst wound was the loss of her siblings, the only constants in a world that continually shifted under her feet.
For looked-after children, siblings are more than just family. They are friends, they are confidants, they are guardians. A brother or sister is usually the sole individual who has the same tale, the same recollections, and the same comprehension of what it is like to experience the turmoil of loss. When siblings become separated, children lose their anchor, the single relationship that could bring stability and comfort when all else seems strange.
Research confirms what lived experience shows: maintaining siblings together in foster placements has the potential to hugely enhance emotional stability and outcomes. Children placed with brothers and sisters tend to have fewer behavioral issues and feel more secure. Separation, on the other hand, can result in profound grief, shame, and a lifelong search for reunification.
Even with the widely documented advantages, sibling groups are too often separated. The reasons are multifaceted: a lack of foster families who are willing and able to accept more than one child, logistical hurdles, and systemic oversights. But the price of separation, emotional suffering, identity confusion, and broken bonds cannot be overlooked.
Paula’s reflections remind us that such separations are not policy choices; they are formative moments in the life of a child. She remembers seeing her sisters wheeled away to other homes, her heart shattering as she understood their family was broken. Years later, the pain of the moment still resonates. Her account challenges us to reimagine foster care with sibling preservation, not an aside, but a consideration.
What can be done? First, we need more families who are willing to provide a home for sibling groups. Agencies and communities can invest in the recruitment and support of parents who have multiple children, providing them with resources to achieve success. Second, policymakers and caseworkers need to approach placement with sibling connection as the priority. Even if siblings cannot live in the same household, having regular, quality contact is important.
Finally, we need to hear from the people who experienced it. Books such as Ghost of a Phantom provide a unique glimpse into the child’s point of view. They remind us that behind the case file and the placement order are human children yearning for the sound of a brother’s laughter or the hug of a sister.
Maintaining siblings together is not just about holding onto family bonds; it is about holding onto hope. When children are permitted to journey through foster care hand in hand with their siblings, they have with them the resilience of family, the strength of love, and the ability to heal. Paula Kyle-Stephens’ life is a compelling reminder that although foster care may save lives, maintaining siblings together saves hearts.